[The Brit's Blog]
My autobiography ( a work in progress)...
2008-02-12
whoever is reading my blog... let me know. please i'm about to delete this thing. i don't use it anymore. to much spam/porn crap.rainy day
2007-12-15
well, yesterday chris went and filled out a job application for the security agency that my stepfather works at. he is pretty much guaranteed a job there. but he has to go monday to get a criminal background check and take it up to the security agency office. yesterday i took two at home pregnancy tests. both negative. i didn't cry. but i feel so sad inside. i just played Rock Band (i sing) to get my mind off of it. then chris and i watched some dragonball. and then some tv. Brandon and Tana came home and we all went to see I am Legend. Great movie. Bad ending. but i enjoyed. it's one of those humans-need-to- leave-well-enough-alone-or-we-are-going-to-destroy-ourselves kinda movies. i like those. what was really great was that they incorporated God into. made me happy. well... today tana and brandon have a wedding to go to, so they won't be here all day. so it's just me and chris. i just got up like 20 min ago. i let the dogs out. and it's raining. suits me. oh... chris's EX-boss told him last monday when he laid him off that friday he would give him a full paycheck and a christmas bonus. well yesterday chris went up there to collect that.. and tommy just handed him $200 cash. that's not even a full paycheck. we were counting on that money. tommy has never done chris wrong before. so we didn't expect he would now. that really upset me. oh well. also chris wanted to whatever paper it is he needs to collect unemployment, but tommy said it cost money to get the paper so he wasn't going to do it. so now chris can't go file for unemployment. but he did talk to his parents and they said that they would give him money whenever we need it. this has happened at the worst possible time. christmas. we haven't been able to buy one single present. and i know that there are pretty good amount of people who have bought presents for us. it shouldn't but it does bother me. and besides, i love buying presents for people. i love seeing their faces when they open them and it's something they like or wanted. oh well. hopefully next year we'll be able to do alot.
college
2007-12-13
so i'm finally working on going to college. i disappointed a lot of people by not going right away. but wish me luck.
i've got new pictures
2007-12-09
they are from throughout the year. but i finally got em up now.question
2007-12-07
what happened to my friend kenneth?Love is....
2007-12-04
Love is:
when you kiss first thing in the morning even though you both have stinky morning poo breath.
when the one you love thinks they can sing good, but is really tone deaf and you still enjoy listening to them serenade you.
love is when your darling cooks dinner and it really isn't all that great and you eat seconds.
that's all i can think of right now, but you who read this can add to it and i'll add to it too.
Love is....
2007-12-04
Love is:
when you kiss first thing in the morning even though you both have stinky morning poo breath.
when the one you love thinks they can sing good, but is really tone deaf and you still enjoy listening to them serenade you.
love is when your darling cooks dinner and it really isn't all that great and you eat seconds.
that's all i can think of right now, but you who read this can add to it and i'll add to it too.
I feel..
2007-11-29
at 12:49 am i feel...
lonely
like i'm losing hope
Alone
almost inspired
somewhat unwanted
confused
like maybe just the touch of a fingertip may make me feel better
yet i'm on the computer and he's playing video games. and i don't want to force him, because i'll still feel unwanted. I hate that i feel like this. i wish things would just fall into place for me at least just once in my life. i've had a very difficult time. i've had to fight to stay sane. and moral. to not let myself become completely degraded. and i've had to build wall after wall. and then i had to tear them all down when i thought it was safe. just to build a new wall. or maybe not walls. more like ditches and i've been using trench warfare to recede from the enemy instead of advancing. i dunno. stupid metaphore from a stupid girl. i just wish i could just be happy for awhile without having to work so damn hard to get there. i dunno. i just.... i dunno.
Moving... again
2007-11-29
so the plan was that i was going to move in with my mom, but apparently plans are made to be changed. I'm living with chris and brandon now. might as well i'm here all the time anyway and it'll only be until the end of January. that's when the lease is up. we're all supposed to get apartments. chris and i will share with jenny and seth. and brandon and tana will get an apartment. we're all looking saturday. oh, we're also getting a tree saturday. and decorating for christmas. so fun. yay. i have a feeling this christmas is going to be better than any before. yay.poor chris
2007-11-26
i stayed the night with chris again. after he left for work this morning i had a dream that he called me when he got to work to tell me he had hurt his back and had to go to the hospital. we were trying to figure out a way for me to get to meet him at the hospital so i could me there with him. but i don't have a car and no one could pick me up. that was the whole dream.i woke up at about 7:40 and went to the bathroom. then i went back to sleep and had a weird dream about birth control and mexican poverty in Augusta,Ga. i dunno. i finally got up at about 11 o'clock. 30 minutes later chris walked in the door. i asked him why he was home so early. i figured they got rained out but he told me that on the way to work he hurt his back and had to go to the hospital. he apparently coughed really hard and ripped a muscle in his back and bruised a rib. he's got pain pills, antibiotics,and cough suppressant. so he's all drugged up and goofy right now. now the fact that i dreamed about what was going on even though i consciously had no friggin clue is weird enough. but chris tried to call me but my phone was dead. and the time that i had the dream was the same time that he was trying to call me. very weird. but most of all poor chris.
today was fun
2007-11-25
today chris and i slept until after 12. and then got up and went to get something to eat. then came back to his house and watched Meet the Robinson's (good movie) and then watched Cry Baby(strange but also good movie) then brandon and tana got home and the newest memeber of the group, seth, came over and we went and looked at a house for us all to move into together. (also jenny, but she was a work so she couldn't come. ) and the house is beautiful. it's new. and it's in the perfect for everyone. i loved it. we working out how to get it. wish us luck.late happy thanksgiving
2007-11-23
 | Happy Thanksgiving So to everyone, Happy Thanksgiving!! My grandma has a tradition of each year at Thanksgiving we go around the table and say what we are most thankful for. This year I actually felt thankful for more than just making it another year and good food. This year I'm thankful for my family, because gradually it's becoming more functional. I'm thankful for the friends who are there when i need them and put up with my drama and complaints. and who put up with all of my quirks. I'm thankful for the friends that appreciate that i've always been there when i could and will always be there when i can. those who know that i am loyal and loving and in it for the long haul. I'm really thankful for Chris, my fiance. He has put up with a whole hell of alot. and he still loves me to this day. it's amazing. he has made sacrifices and i'm very thankful for that. i'm still thankful for making it another year although this year wasn't nearly as difficult as previous years. and i am definitly still thankful for good food. i know this post is a little late but it still holds the same meaning so i went ahead and posted it. and to everyone who reads this, when you have the time, maybe you should think about all the things you have to be thankful for. |
UGA vs. UK 24 to 13
2007-11-19
One of my best friends birthday is today. This past weekend to celebrate her boyfriend bought tickets to the UGA vs. UK game. He bought eight tickets. two were for me and chris. the seats were all the way at the top of Sanford Stadium and that was alot of stairs. I didn't realize it last time I went to Athens, but it's all uphill. and I'm so not used to that. where i live it's a little hilly but barely. anyway. i really enjoyed going to a college football game. afterward we met up with some of my freind's friends who go to school at UGA and we all hung out. we went to dinner at a restaurant called loco's. it was good. basically the whole time we had fun. and no arguments at all between anyone. and UGA won. which was great. so that was my weekend.
la la la di di da
2007-11-15
so last night chris and i had a good talk. and we both feel better. and it's great. so... i'm supposed to be living with my family now. but i have spent more time over here at the guys place. but i'm glad. i think my mom's going through early menopause. my aunt and grandmother both did. and she's going crazy. like crazier than usual. so that's partly why i'm here instead of there. this is my haven from the demon mother. lol. her best friend told her she needed to go to a doctor, but she's very bull-headed. so she hasn't yet. and i doubt she will. she has not been to crazy about doctor's lately. trying to be natural as possible. but she's 35 and already showing signs of menopause. i think she needs to at least go to see if it's anything serious. she really does. but i can't talk to her... like i said she's crazier than usual. and usually it's hard to talk to her.the newest news
2007-11-14
okay so the short version is...
my mom is going off the deep end.
chris and i are doing well now.
i keep having dreams about being pregnant. some of them i find out i'm pregnant. and some i have a miscarriage. some i have the baby. but all of them i wind up feeling alone even though there are people are around. they just aren't listening.
that's all the major stuph!!
second guessing
2007-11-08
so chris and i moved in together in june and now i'm living with my mom as of halloween. and he is living with one of our hifriends.
but anyway. for the past couple of weeks, i have really been second guessing everything. about me and him. especially the him part. he is lazy and disrespectful to me about half the time. and when i get upset he says he's just joking and i shouldn't be getting so upset. i just... it really bothers me. and i don't want to talk to anyone about it. i've become such a coward. i just shut up and leave him alone when he gets mad at me.
i always dreamed that i would love someone who thought women were a gift from God. and treat me that way. and i always wanted a protector. but he's not like that. he used to be. now he's telling me to leave him alone and i aggrevate him and i'm lazy and moody and crazy and whatever else he can come up with to point out what's wrong with me. and it's really hurting me. but i just play along and tell everyone that we're are doing great. and... i don't have anyone to cry to. i want this to stop. when we started dating a year and a half ago, he was prayer answered. and now... he's becoming all the things i didn't want. and i feel like i've made him this way. that it's my fault. i did make a mistake over a year ago. but that's all and he told me he forgave me and was over it. but tonight he was looking through my cell phone to see who i had called and who called me. but if i even pick up his mail i get bitched at for being to nosey. wtf? but maybe he's just stressed out and i'm being to hard. i just can't help but wonder if he's fixing to break my heart in a big way.
baby dreams
2007-10-14
last night i dreamed that i was pregnant and i had a baby. twice. the first was a boy and the second a girl. it was so real. but i had them at home. my mother was there and chris was at work and my mother was so mad at me. but it was a cold hard anger. very unlike her. chris said i was crying in my sleep. i don't doubt it. the dream was so vivid. i was so overwhelmed with so many emotions. happiness saddess lonliness. but nothing like alone. angry. love. it was just....scared
2007-08-10
okay so i'm a week late getting my period. and i'm worried not that i'm pregnant, but that i'm not. i'm worried i won't be able to have kids. because and i have been quite careless and i've yet to get pregnant. unless i am now. which i took an at home pregnancy test today and it was negative. i cried. i know everyone says that i shouldn't have a child so soon and it will basically ruin my life. but i want a family so bad. and it's not really a selfish reason. i want to be able to take care of someone all the time. and it doesn't really matter if they appreciate it or not. i want a little person who is a combination of me and the gratest man i've ever known. and i think i'm ready. and i have plenty of support. from friends and family. i want a baby so bad. and before you ask if chris wants a baby. i heard him praying for a baby. so i know he wants it just as bad as me.
on a better note
2007-06-20
yesterday chris bought a car. it's an acura integra . i think gxr. 4-door. it has an aftermarket paintjob. and it has a body kit. been lowered 2". power everything. vtech engine. nice interior. $1400. nice. oh and cat-back exhaust. yay. i like it. and it's a 5 speed like he wanted. hopefully he'll be responsible driving though. not speeding. because he just got off probation for speeding. anyway. so yeah. happy. and sometime this week mom and i are supposed to go to the junk yard and get the parts for my mirage so i can have a vehicle and can go get a freeking job.
a little worry...
2007-06-20
okay.. so chris and i are engaged right. that means we'll be getting married soon. but now i'm worried... about us. about him. about me. about our relationship. for the first time i had a dream that i was with someone else. only i was still with chris... i love chris with all my heart and he's been my everything from day one. but more and more lately i've been thinking about other guys. like my ex. and my high school crush. and this guy chad i met last august. and i kinda worry that it might mean chris and i aren't going to last much longer. idk. putting it down in words it doesn't look logical. but... idk.. do people in a serious relationship still think about other people? and if they do, is it okay?
games
2007-06-19
i'm playing jezzball right now. has anyone else ever heard of this game? and how many people still play tetris. i do.by the way
2007-06-19
I graduated on May 31. and last Thursday I got my driver's license. And as soon as I get my car fixed I'll be getting a job. YAY!arrrg!
2007-06-19
![](http://www.shoutpost.com/"http://quizfarm.com//images/1114814418Jack_sunset.jpg/") | You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow, You are definitely quirky and often mistaken for mad but if anyone is truly paying attention they can see there is method to your madness. You try really hard to be bad but in the end you tend to do the right thing.
What kind of Pirate are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
drama drama drama
2007-06-19
well... i haven't written in awhile and to all my many fans i'm sorry (lol)
anyway. so i'm in another movie. it's another teen horror flick. that's fun.
my best friend is in california right now. and my other best friend is a camp counselor for most of the summer, and my other best friend is here doing nothing besides filming and working. so.... yeah. :( anyway.... so my aunt's husband(yes i know that would make him my uncle but i don't like him so i just say my aunt's husband) he's back in jail. he was a recovering crackhead.. was. for like three months. and last week he punched my aunt in the face twice. it looks really bad. he's been back on drugs since april. and he overdrew their checking account leaving my aunt with no money. and she has a boy who is about to turn two. she has a trailer to live in but she doesn't want to live there. but chris and i are going to see if we can just take over her lease so we don't have to put down a deposit and we'll live there. in the meantime my aunt and her baby are going to be sharing a room with me. oh boy. how exciting. it's going to be weird because i'm used to staying up playing video games until i get tired. which is like 2am. and i usually get home around 12am when i go out with chris and he spends the night alot without anyone knowing. and now he can't do that. which makes me angry and sad. but we're trying to get a place of our own right now. yay. well that's all for now. laters
another death
2007-05-30
today was the wake for my best friend's father. he was only 43. i miss him so much already. it seems like a really bad dream. Chip was the best man i ever met. he was the closest thing to a father i ever had. he was always there to help when i needed it. and he was a great listener. and he was always so full of great advice about life. by far the greatest man i ever met and probably ever will meet. chip was one of those people who you meet in the grocery store line and have a short conversation in passing and he'll stay with you forever. he makes that much of an impression. he was so wonderful. and i will miss him for the rest of my life. i feel so sorry for shelly. she just graduated and two days later she lost her father. i can't imagine how she feels. but i know how i feel and what she's going through must be ten times worse. please pray for the Buchanan family and the Shultz family and the Forester family and all of his friends. we all lost one of the world's greatest men.couldn't do it : (
2007-05-16
yesterday my high school had a blood drive. i had been looking foward to it since they did it last year because i wanted to give blood. well i filled out the question thing and then was told i have to wait a year from the day i got my tattoo to give blood. that made me sad. because i couldn't do it.in other news. my grandmother's birthday was yesterday. we had a party at my mother's house. she turned 66. and she's still kicking...yay.
and chris has a new dog that he will be bringing it over sometime this week. it's a Pincher. i think chris said six months old. it's name is Snickers.
that's all for now.
my heart hurts
2007-05-14
last friday i had to take an AP exam. for those of you who don't know who that is, it's an advanced placement exam that if i make a good enough score on, i get college credit for the class. it seriously stressed me out. but i think i did alright. anyway. well afterward, two of my best friends ( who were also taking the exam)and i went and got matching tattoos. they paid for mine. it was their graduation present to me. anyway. we got matching hearts on the front of our hips. they are really cute. chris didn't really want me to get a tatto, but he came and was there holding my hand anyway. that's why i love him. it's growing on him.it hurts so bad though. it's really sore. and i have a nice bruise. it's where everytime i get up or sit down, it hurts soo bad. i think it hurts worse now than it did when i got it friday. so that's why my heart hurts.
No Doubt
2007-05-08
like a year and a half ago i was watching a tv show and it was featuring professional basketball players and their wives. there was a woman who gave her husband one freebee to cheat a year. and for some reason like 2 weeks ago that popped in my head. so i asked chris what he thougt about freebees. and at the time he just answered my question and let it go. but apparently yesterday he thought about it and it really started bothering him. sooo... he called me and asked about it. like why i asked that question. i told him i was just curious and that was all. but he still just wasn't sure. he also has been having a lot of doubts about us and the future of our relationship. so he asked me to somehow let him know that he doesn't need to worry. he wanted me to tell why it's just me and him. why he shouldn't doubt our relationship. why he should trust me. and why i love him. he said if i needed some time to think i could call him back. he said i couldn't just say i love him and to just trust me because i've said that before and it isn't enough.so i got off the phone with him and i wrote. i answered all his questions.
so..i told him that he is answered prayer. i told him it's just going to be me and him because i'm endebted to him. he rescued me from what i was doing and where i was going. i told him that he is exactly what i'd been praying for for years. i cried myself to sleep so many times wanting and praying for someone to love me, to rescue me and to cherish and care for me. and finally that prayer was answered a year ago. i told him all the reasons i love him. when i called him back and read him what i wrote, he cried. a happy cry. he told me he now has no doubt in his heart and mind that we are going to be together for the rest of our lives. yay.
One year today!!
2007-05-02
Today is Chris's and my one year anniversary. this is special for the both of us because we've been through alot during the past year. also this is both of our longest relationship. it's amazing to me. because for so long i was convinced no one would ever love me this much. but i found him. his name is Chris and he is the love of my life. I'm so very lucky to have him... he sure puts up with a lot. (he says the same thing about me). We've both sacraficed so much so that we can be together and be happy. i love him so much and as i tell him all the time, i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
Up in the Attic
2007-05-01
I wrote this story when I was in fifth grade. This is only a portion of it. I will post more at another time.
"When are your eggs going to hatch Widow Thrasher?" asked Cassie Blue.
"Soon," Widow Thrasher replied as they sat on the parapet around the widow's walk looking for cotton to line their nest. Mrs. Blue and April hopped up with them. It was a beautiful, breezy spring evening.
"We'd better fly home now," chirped Mrs. Blue.
They all glided back down to the rooftop, where their nests were. Just then a wind-blown sparrow whizzed by sputtering,
"A storm is coming! A storm is coming! Fly to safety! Hurry!"
"What? A storm, my heavens!" cried April, in desperation. "How are we going to save the eggs?" Just then Cassie Blue had an idea. She motioned for the other birds to come to her , and twittered her idea quickly at them.
"We'll go and get that scrap of cloth I saw by the oak tree. We can put the eggs on it and each hold a corner of it as we fly to that gable window with the pane missing. We can hide in the attic of the house until the storm passes. "
"What a wonderful idea!" exclaimed Widow Thrasher, "Let's get started."
April flew to the oak tree and picked up the cloth in her beak. She flew back up and met the other birds at the two nests. She laid it down carefully on the mansard roof by the first nest. Mrs. Blue, Widow Thrasher and April carefully rolled the first of the tiny eggs onto the cloth. Finally they succeeded. They each picked up a corner and the egg rolled to one side. They changed positions and tired to save the egg from falling.
"Oh no!" screeched Widow Thrasher as the egg careened toward the ground below. "My egg!
Out of nowhere a blur of brown fuzz whizzed down the nearest tree and under the egg. The birds flew down to the ground and saw that a squirrel had caught the egg with his tail as a landing pad. In fear that the squirrel would whiz away with her egg, Ms. Thrasher said, " You stop where you are! Where is my egg? What are you to do with it? Give it back!"
My Weekend
2007-04-30
this weekend chris and i were interviewing local talent for a web-based show. to check it out go to www.seentertainment.net. anyway. i was supposed to interview one of the biggest local rock bands, but they didn't show up. oh well. at least i got to interview one movie cast and hang out with my friends. anyway. so yeah. afterward chris and i went to his house and we went swimming. i got a nice little sunburn. it'll turn into a tan. so that'll be great. that was yesterday. so saturday i went to the mall with my bestest friend and that was nice because she and i have spent much time together in the past year. so yeah. anyway. so......while i was at the mall with shelly, chris was at mimi's building a dog house for Izzie. i decided she needed to go outside because she kept using the bathroom on my floor even though i took her outside about every two hours. so yeah. she's outside now. but she's happier now. anyway. chris and i had a good weekend. yay. well laterI got a puppy!!!!
2007-04-25
Two days ago my brother told me that Hemi died. He wouldn't eat anymore and starved. We are probably going to bury him today. He died Sunday. We are goind to bury him in a model engine box. It's appropriate. I'm sad for Hemi... but I kinda saw it coming.
Yesterday when I got home I called Chris and the first thing he did was ask me if I wanted a puppy. I said yes and asked Mimi if I could have one. She said yes. So I have a puppy. She's a Beagle and Bird Dog mix. She's sooo cute. Her name is Izzie. She is staying in my room for a little while beccause she's only six weeks old and I don't feel comfortable leaving her outside yet. But in about a month I will. She slept in the bed with me last night. She's so adorable. I've never had a dog before... so I'm really excited. Well Chris is coming over today after work and we are going to give her a bath. That should be fun! I can't wait to get home so I can play with her!!
sadness
2007-04-24
last night chris found some papers from when he was going to therapy. they gave his diagnosis. he was like 12 then. he was diagnosed as bipolar, and adhd. they said that he was immature for his age. he said he always felt that way. he got really depressed. i told him that a diagnosis isn't a sentence. it doesn' t mean he that way and nothing can be done about it. i also told him that to diagnose any adolescent with a personality or mood disorder is stupid because hormones are still balancing out and causes all kinds of mood changes and personality quirks. i told him not to get depressed about it. he kept apologizing. i told him it was fine. everyone has problems.
about four months ago i started wondering if he was manic depressive. because he has extremes... and little to no middle ground. everything is black and white with him. and lately mostly black. but i didn't come out and say anything what would be the point?
anyway i told him that when we started dating i told him i had problems. i kinda figured he did too. (who doesn't) but i still love him. i think he felt a little better. but he still was pretty upset. i told him usually teens grow out of disorders like that.
i mean two years ago i was diagnosed as "severely depressed with psychotic features and anxiety" but i'm not like that now. and if i didn't tell him he would have never known. i'll admit i do still have anxiety problems. but look at the world...and look at my life... who wouldn't. i think having an anxiety problem and it being pretty much the only serious thing is pretty damn good for me. but anyway. back to chris. i hope he doesn't let this discourage him. i hope that he doesn't get it in his head that he can't just lead a normal life. that he's broken and can't be fixed or anything else along those lines.
some good news
2007-04-23
saturday we were filming again. it was fun. then sunday i got to see my bestest friend for a couple hours. and then chris and i went with some other friends and played putt putt. oh and chris and i went out to eat. it was nice. i had steak. yes!! anyway. i had a good weekend.Compassion Fatigue
2007-04-23
You're Compassion Fatigue!
by Susan Moeller
You used to care, but now it's just getting too difficult. You cared
about the plight of people in lands near and far, but now the media has bombarded you
with images of suffering to the point that you just don't have the energy to go on.
You've become cold and heartless, as though you'd lived in New York City for a year or
so. But you stand as a serious example to all others that they should turn off their TV
sets and start caring again.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
more reason
2007-04-23
i have one more reason to dislike my mother.i called home from school. i was having chest pain/upper abdominal pain and difficulty breathing. and something that feels like maybe heartburn. i've been getting episodes of that for like the past five years. but somehow, my mother doesn't seem to remember this and just says i'm a hypochondriac. she also said that when i told her i thought i had scoliosis. i do and if she had gotten me checked for it when i voiced my concerned, instead of brushing it off, i could've worn a back brace just for a short time and it would have straightened my spine. but by the time she finally believed me(i was trying on bras with her in the dressing room) it was too late for anything to be done. go mom. so i would think she might start believing me now... but she doesn't. i know it may just be an anxiety attack, but that's not the point. when i called home she just said that i always seem to have some reason to leave school, at least once a week. that's not true. she said for the past month. i went home last week because i had a bad migrane. i couldn't focus on my schoolwork, so i went home. earlier, i was having trouble breathing. i do know if i sleep for like an hour, i usually wake up and i don't have any tightness or pain in my chest. but whatever. she said if i was fine enough to go play putt-putt with my friends yesterday, then i should be fine. how i feel today really had nothing to do with how i did yesterday. but whatever.
yay
2007-04-20
well. i do believe that your prayers helped. thanks so much. my problems haven't neccesarily been solved... but definitly lessened. so anyway.i never posted anything really about my mothers wedding. it was nice. it was a small thing. and not very many people showed up. but in the end mom and heath were happy so i guess that's what matters. it was so stressful...it better have been worth it. lol. anyway that's all.
please
2007-04-19
i'm having problems on top of problems right now. i don't want to go into detail. i'm just asking for prayers.new pics
2007-04-17
well.. they aren't exactlly new. but i just post them here. they are form like 2 years ago. but check them out. :)My Kitten
2007-04-16
I had a cat named Matrix. she had a litter in the back of chris's truck. we didn't know this. he went to his grandparents house and heard kittens mewing in the back of his truck. we he looked Matrix freaked out and ran up a tree. when she finally came down she ran in the road and was killed. that was about a month ago. we took the kittens to my mother. she fed them and she has another female cat who she talked into helping her groom them. only one survived. that's Hemi. my baby. he's four weeks old and looks two weeks old. well... my mother, in her excitement about her wedding and honeymoon, forgot about poor Hemi. luckily chris and i stopped by to tell them to have fun on their honeymoon. we asked who was taking care of Hemi and Heath said he didn't know. turned out they forgot. so we got his milk and took him with us. well... i spent the night with chris saturday night, so i asked my grandmother to please feed him in the morning before she went to church. when i got home yesterday, my little sister told me that Hemi was dying. Mimi had forgotten to feed him. she didn't remember until 4pm. i was so mad. so last night i stayed up all night trying to bring Hemi back from the brink of death. they had brought Dinah... the other cat... over to clean him and make him use the bathroom. but Dinah was nervous because my grandma has a cat and they didn't get along. finally though she calmed down and started grooming Hemi. he looked so pitiful. he could barely meow. and couldn't hold his head up. he was barely breathing, and his heartbeat was so faint. i cried. but i brought him and Dinah back to my bedroom and brought his milk back there. i tried to feed him...though he wouldn't really eat. and i kept encouraging Dinah to clean him. i went to sleep for an hour. when i woke up i checked on Hemi. he was so cold i thought he had died. but when i picked him up he let out a weak cry, so i knew he was alive. i put my heater on my bed, wrapped him up in a blanket in front of it, and pressed him to my body to warm him. i rubbed his belly and his limbs to warm him too. after awhile he started moving around more and meowing louder. i tried to feed him and got him to eat a little bit. about 4:45 am i felt he was doing well enough for me to sleep. i did until... 6 am. when i woke up Hemi looked so much healthier. i was so incredibly happy. but, needless to say, i was still completely exhausted this morning. so i stayed home today and slept for awhile. i'm pretty sure that Hemi is going to be just fine. 
Check it out.
2007-04-16
the movie i'm playing in is called Blood Moon Rising. If any of you would like to check it out here's a link for you to check out
http://www.filmstudio187.com/bloodmoonrising.htm
we are still filming. and having lots of fun doing it.
Bloodlust
2007-04-13
Bloodlust
Lusting for the metallic sweetness
This craving I cannot control
It catches me off gaurd
It's a craving deep in my soul
Awaiting your bloody kiss
No bitterness in the pain
Lusting for the metallic sweetness
This craving is so hard to contain
August 12,2004
Shatter Your Dreams
2007-04-13
Shatter Your DreamsThe man in the moon
Ain't savin' you tonight
And Superman
Can't destroy your kryptonite
There's no Prince Charming
To carry you off to paradise
There's no Mr.Right
To promise you a better life
So you're stuck here
Just staring at the night sky
Searching for your non-existant hero
And wondering why
June 15, 2004
Unwanted
2007-04-13
Unwanted
I was your mistake
I'm the result
Of a bad decision made
It's not my fault
I feel your disgust
When you can't look
In your eyes or mine
It hurts so deeply
I feel so unwanted
I'm sure that you wish
I had never been here
So you try to ignore my existance
Why do you do this to me?
Hurt me?
Try to make me into
What you should have been.
May 2004
this is to my mother dearest.
My First Poem
2007-04-13
Now, i wrote this poem when i was in 5th grade. i was 10 years old then. i was sitting in class done with my work and daydreaming and it popped in my head.
Today
Today is very gloomy
The sky is whitish-grey
As the rain falls lightly
I look around in dismay
Now the rainclouds part
And I go out to play
March 2000
Date with Danger
2007-04-13
Date With Danger
I've a date with danger tonight
We'll be going to the edge of an abyss
From there we'll take flight
Flying with wings unseen by your sight
I'll evanese to another state of mind
One that I've searched an eternity to find
As we soar beneath the starless sky
Severing all ties that bind
Escaping the reality of death
As I plummet toward the earth
Escaping the reality of death
As I consider my rebirth
Our last moments together
Danger and I
And here I am trying desprately to fly
Although I will soon inevitably, die
With wings of silver vapor
Discovered in the morning light
Now I ascend
A majestic creature in flight
2003
Abandoned
2007-04-13
AbandonedI'm looking for something
I'm trying to find
I'm slipping away
To another state of mind
They're coming to find me
I'm running away
I run through the door
Suddenly I'm a child at play
I'm pigtails and pink
Just having fun
Innocent and blind
To all the horror to come
Everything is so beautiful
Barbie and Ken are still in love
I turn my face upward
As the sky darkens above
Lightening strikes
Now I'm all alone
And somewhere in the distance
I hear a mournful moan
I look all around me
Searching for someone
I sit down patiently
And wait for mommy to come
Salty tears fall
From the blackened sky
The drops splash my face
Joining the tears from my eyes
I realize no one is coming
That nobody cares
I realize I'm all alone
That no one is there
November 2003
Hope
2007-04-13
HopeHope is just a word
To make you think there is a cure
Just so you feel reassured
That everything\'s alright
Hope is just as hopeless
As the rest of us have been
All strung out on our broken dreams
All so wearied, worn and thin
So take your lie of hope
And feed it to someone else
Because your hope is not that pretty
And your bullshit kinda smells
Hope is tried but rarely true
Hope is too good for me or you
Hope is nothing and yet so cruel
Your hope is such a bitch
Detached
2007-04-12
today, about an hour ago... i noticed that at school i'm more on the outside than i ever was before. this whole year i've been more detached from the crowds. last year i talked to everyone, all the time, everyday. i was up on all the lastest gossip and i had more friends than i knew what to do with. this year though... it's alot different. i mean i still talk to everyone, but it's only once in awhile. except my closest friends. and it's strange.. i didn't feel that detachment until today. i told my lit teacher that i realized that today, and she said she's noticed it too. it's nothing bad...just something that's happened. but i guess it's for the best in the end... because after graduation, we're all going different ways anyway. so it'll be less disappointing i guess. anyway... i can't wait for graduation. i won't have to walk around school feeling like i should be somewhere else. doing something i feel is more useful.About my poetry
2007-04-11
lately i've been going through my old poetry. i have like 5 compostion books of poetry since 2003. that's quite a bit. anyway. and i noticed something. just from my poetry anyone could pretty much figure my life for the past four years. it's so easy.... but anyway.
i write poetry to get things out of my head and to let out pain and anger. because... i hold things in for awhile. until it's physically causing me pain. my stomach hurts, my chest hurts, and my hands hurt. it feels like i'm physically holding something inside. anyway... then i write a poem or two and it's like pressure being released. it's such an amazing feeling.
i started my poetry notebooks in 2003, when i was in eigth grade. but i really started writing poems when i was in fifth grade. 1999. that was awhile ago. i remember one of my teachers were amazed at the language i used and how i used it. she was also amazed at the rythm and flow of the poems. when she would praise my poetry it encouraged me to write more.
i've been writing poetry for eight years now. i've probably written upwards of 200 poems. i've never been able to count them all because some have been lost. but i am eventually get together all of my best poems and try to get the collection published. i may throw in a few of the short stories i've written as well. wish me luck!
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