[The Brit's Blog]
My autobiography ( a work in progress)second guessing
2007-11-08
so chris and i moved in together in june and now i'm living with my mom as of halloween. and he is living with one of our hifriends.
but anyway. for the past couple of weeks, i have really been second guessing everything. about me and him. especially the him part. he is lazy and disrespectful to me about half the time. and when i get upset he says he's just joking and i shouldn't be getting so upset. i just... it really bothers me. and i don't want to talk to anyone about it. i've become such a coward. i just shut up and leave him alone when he gets mad at me.
i always dreamed that i would love someone who thought women were a gift from God. and treat me that way. and i always wanted a protector. but he's not like that. he used to be. now he's telling me to leave him alone and i aggrevate him and i'm lazy and moody and crazy and whatever else he can come up with to point out what's wrong with me. and it's really hurting me. but i just play along and tell everyone that we're are doing great. and... i don't have anyone to cry to. i want this to stop. when we started dating a year and a half ago, he was prayer answered. and now... he's becoming all the things i didn't want. and i feel like i've made him this way. that it's my fault. i did make a mistake over a year ago. but that's all and he told me he forgave me and was over it. but tonight he was looking through my cell phone to see who i had called and who called me. but if i even pick up his mail i get bitched at for being to nosey. wtf? but maybe he's just stressed out and i'm being to hard. i just can't help but wonder if he's fixing to break my heart in a big way.
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